2002-01-25 ± 11:45 a.m.
teachers are punching bags

writing from the computer lab in this pitiful school.

having just cried for thirty-five minutes while another teacher covered my class.

I've always been some what of a doormat. I guess that I want people to like me...but not in that "I want them to think I'm pretty" kind of way...in that "I want your respect" kind of way. But I guess I haven't learned how to go about getting the respect of 27 15-19 year olds with whom I spend 3 hours a day 5 days a week.

That they were disrespectful today and didn't follow directions did not cause me to abort our tastebud experiment, throw worksheets at them and flee the classroom choking back tears. That they are disrespectful every day caused me to boil over today...and unfortunately I've always been wired to sob when I'm mad and not to turn into some spledid spitfire who can hold a room silent with fear.

I really don't want to teach them again today and I'm sort of trying to think of how I can swap with someone or get out of it.

I should go make a plan of attack.

I hate showing this red face in the halls...I don't want them to be good out of pity or guilt. I want them to want to learn. damn it.

by the way...the "fast" lasted less than 3 days.

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