2002-05-06 ± 6:50 p.m.
we were boozing and cruising and never losing

I can never find equilibrium. I go through phases of apathy, when I feel mechanical and only extrinsicailly motivated. And then I bottom out into complete ....I dunno...compassion...completely enslaved to my emotions.

I dropped denis at the airport an hour ago. We had a superb (and by superb I mean relaxing, cheesy, alcohol and sex filled) vacation. I'll see him again in about a month and a half. He'll be working in Boston and I'll be rejoicing in the 1# perk of being a school teacher....paid summer vacation (though I still don't think it makes up for the other 9 months).

Denis loves me. of this there is no doubt. but he fails to see the necessity of us aiming to be in the same place for an extended (indefinite?) period of time. Our major malfuntion (or disjunction) is that is that he doesn't mind this set-up. We get to have rockin and relaxin vacation time fun for 3 to 6 days about every six weeks and we never see each other when we're grumpy or obligated to pay attention to other things (work, school etc.).

I agree that right now it's working out alright. But the temporariness with which I view this situation is a bit more temporary than his. He seems to feel that our unique situation is a testament to our compatibility and, well, our "different-ness" from the masses.

fine sure sure. But every time he leaves or I leave, I go into complete emotional shock. I spend two days feeling shitty and hating my life here.

I wish that I could just get myself to anticipate this shit and cut it off at the pass.

to the point:

good vacation

wonderful boyfriend

stressfull and unrewarding job

emotional overload

and I'm very tired.

what's love got to do with it? - 2004-09-29
noquierosoyabogada - 2004-09-21
I do not aspire to be cast in a lawyer joke - 2004-02-10
update - 2003-11-04
girl...you'll be a woman...soon. - 2003-08-12