2002-02-24 ± 3:17 p.m.
when did I become such a crybaby?

it's very hard to be here right now. it's difficult to remember why I thought it would be necessary to move 1500 miles away to build a stronger smarter me.

I know that this is all stemming from the fact that, as of late, I've felt extremely ineffective as a teacher.

I also know that, as of late, I've felt desperately in love.

When I chose to move here my relationship with Denis was quite young. when I filled out my TFA application I didn't even list my relationship with him as a reason why I wanted to stay in the northeast.

and when they offered my houston, I took it almost without pause.

I understand this organization, and why it exists. and as much as I bitch, I agree with the mission and I love the empathy and dedication that fuels each and every one of us involved. But I can't look at where I am and say that it's worth it. Because I can't help thinking that I could be doing this somewhere closer to him.

and I don't want to transfer. I'm not even going to ask. because the closest site is Chicago, and from what I hear, with the teacher's union, it's a mess. but I feel so illogical being here. maybe that's what really gets to me. I claim to take so much pride in consistency and logic, and here I am.

But before I left, I thought I would be free and focused here. I honestly thought that I would never see him again. That it would end where it had begun.

now that it's sunday and many of my stresses have been alievated...I'm left only with much resented tears and a boredom that's suffocating.

what's love got to do with it? - 2004-09-29
noquierosoyabogada - 2004-09-21
I do not aspire to be cast in a lawyer joke - 2004-02-10
update - 2003-11-04
girl...you'll be a woman...soon. - 2003-08-12