2002-03-10 ± 12:29 p.m.
could ritalin be my absinthe?

I think that I'll spend forever trying to find the perfect balance...when I'm too busy I feel stifled and cyclic...when I have nothing to do, I can think of nothing to do but spend money. And right now...when there are things I should be doing...but no urgency surrounding them and no structure within which I must do them...I find myself falling asleep or making unecessary phone calls or writing long e-mails to friends in germany.

I think that my welcome has been worn out in this city. I've found a few places that I can exhale in, but I still have that moment...usually once a day...when I stop and remember "I'm in Texas...and I don't belong here." Even the people I've met have failed to make this a lovable city...mostly because none of the people I've met belong here either.

Perhaps it has been doomed from the get go, as I never romanticised the idea of big smoggy Houston...

Spending the summer in Boston, a city to which I've never been (but have always wanted to go...even looked for jobs with non-profits there after college) will make my last year in H-town that much harder.

I miss walking (from my house) downtown to get coffee or buy a book or go to work or to class...I miss running into 4 or 5 people a day...meeting people for lunch...stumbling home from the bar drunk...kissing boys on my porch swing...having messy bbq's and admiring the first snowfall from a second floor law quad dorm room.

I think I'd like here a lot more...if I didn't miss there so much.

this is not what this entry was supposed to be about...it was supposed to be about supressed creativity and my inability to accomplish any of the artistic or career goals that I set for myself...so I guess in a way that was what this entry was about.

see even "smart" kids go through life with undetected cases of ADHD.

what's love got to do with it? - 2004-09-29
noquierosoyabogada - 2004-09-21
I do not aspire to be cast in a lawyer joke - 2004-02-10
update - 2003-11-04
girl...you'll be a woman...soon. - 2003-08-12